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The exploding dud: Not liking the Apple Watch doesn't make it a failure

The Macalope | June 22, 2015
Another day, another Apple Watch review by someone who seemed destined to hate it. Well, who else are you going to get to review it, really?

Coup de foudre!

A research firm called UserTesting found that most people don't like it.

Say, how big a sample did that survey have, John?

Research firm UserTesting surveyed 52 Apple Watch users...

Fifty. Two. A number that's barely representative of a weeknight Tampa Bay Rays game, let alone millions of Apple Watch owners. But what exactly did the survey results say?

People like it...

[spit take]

...but for most people, the device didn't inspire them to go out and tell all their friends to buy one...

Which is not the same thing, of course, but when you're making a preconceived omelette, you have to break a few eggs of logic on your head. Brandon has a loose affiliation with statistics as exhibited by what he thinks is a significant "report":

Apple hasn't released data about unit sales or returns, but many reports are now suggesting people are returning the Watch within the 14-day return period.

That link goes to a piece by Philip Elmer-DeWitt listing seven (7) people -- including the aforementioned Friedman, Business Insider's Jay Yarrow and a writer for Tiger Beat in the Valley -- who wrote posts saying they were returning their Watches. Brandon's conclusion, which is based on exactly 59 people?

It's officially a dud.

Suddenly and for no apparent reason, the headquarters of the American Statistical Association burst into flames.

At least the Samsung Galaxy Gear had a funky camera on the wrist strap.

Which is super-awesome if you're a creepy snowboarder who thinks taking videos of women he just met is a cool way to impress them.

At least the LG Urbane is an oval.

At least cats are quadrupeds.

Huh?

Apparently the intimation here is that the LG Watch Urbane -- please use the full name -- is better looking than the Apple Watch because it's oval instead of square. At 45.5 x 52.2 x 10.9mm, though, that's a big oval.

The Macalope has read a lot of Watch reviews -- some favorable, some written by John Brandon. Maybe he missed it, but he doesn't recall seeing mention in any of them about how incredible it is that Apple was able to make a version that's only 38mm on its longest side. Motorola and LG can ship their monstrowatches and all we hear is ah, yes, watches are supposed to be round because they've never ever been square before in the history of the world. Who cares if it's the size of a serving platter and the interface is awkward? It's a round screen!

Pretty much no matter what your wrist size, you can wear an Apple Watch. This is not the case with any Android Wear watch the Macalope's seen. They have all the appeal of a home arrest bracelet.

 

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