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The Macalope Daily: Apple also killed Chuck Cunningham

The Macalope | Sept. 19, 2012
The Macalope has been working himself out from under an avalanche of stupid after the launch of the iPhone 5, so let's press on in the hopes that some day we'll be able to move on to other matters--like just how open Google actually is--shall we?d"

The Macalope has been working himself out from under an avalanche of stupid after the launch of the iPhone 5, so let's press on in the hopes that some day we'll be able to move on to other matters--like just how open Google actually is--shall we?

So, take some vitamin D, do some deep knee bends, kiss your loved ones goodbye as if it's the last time you'll ever see them, and let's wade in.

CNet's Eric Mack says "We now know the iPhone and Apple jumped the shark in 2011."

You wouldn't know it from the sales numbers, the monstrous profits and the insidious hype...

"Insidious Hype"?! How did Mack guess Phil Schiller's rap name?!

Just for a second, let us remember that the dictionary definition of "hype" is "extravagant or intensive publicity or promotion." Now, other than the media event and updating its website, how much has Apple itself publicized or promoted the iPhone?

Right. About zero.

...but the decline of iOS, the iPhone and perhaps even all of Apple 2.0 (the 21st century iteration) is now in progress.

This argument never gets old. Apparently. No matter how many facts fly in its face. Facts like these:

"iPhone 5 breaks Apple and AT&T sales records in 'most successful iPhone launch ever'"

Well, facts are one thing, but let us not ignore the power of comparisons to late 1970s TV shows.

To put it more simply, Apple and the iPhone have jumped the shark.

You know what's jumped the shark? Jumping the shark, that's what. The "Apple is doomed" argument, meanwhile, is simply a tired old trope that pundits trot out as if they're the first ones to make this astounding contention. Truth be told, here on planet Earth--sadly, we are cursed to live on the only known planet on which pundits have "evolved"--pundits have been saying this since ...

Wait, when was Apple established? April 1, 1976? Probably that afternoon, then.

Mack kindly points out that "jumping the shark" is a reference to an episode of Happy Days when Fonzi ... stop the Macalope if you've heard this ... jumped over a shark. Which, we can all agree on, is dumb.

That, unfortunately, is about all we can agree on.

I know how ridiculous this might sound.

Actually, you probably don't, otherwise sheer shame would have stopped you from typing this much.

Apple and the iPhone will be around for years to come, to be certain, but it seems that when Steve Jobs left the building, he took "one more thing" with him.

ONLY STEVE JOBS CAN INNOVATE. Q.E.D.

I'm certainly not counting Apple out.

 

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