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Jeff Bezos: Super CEO or Supervillain?

Philip Michaels | Dec. 4, 2013
Now that he wants to deploy a fleet of airborne drones to deliver packages, we're beginning to think the Amazon CEO has more in common with Lex Luthor than with Sam Walton.

Well, they asked the same question when Lex Luthor bought the Daily Planet and when Norman "Green Goblin" Osborn acquired the Daily Bugle. And neither of those cats bought newspapers because they wanted something to read on their Kindle Paperwhites.

Does this mean Jeff Bezos is a supervillain: It doesn't mean he's not a supervillain.

Your CEO has obtained his own island
There's nothing like having your own private retreat, away from the cares and worries of the everyday world and—more importantly—the prying eyes of any meddling superheroes who might foil your various plots. As Arcade needed his Murderworld, as Magneto needed his Genosha, today's tech titan needs an island far from pesky laws that might otherwise hinder his or her schemes and plans.

Or so Google's Larry Page would have us believe.

Jeff Bezos continues to operate out of the Seattle area which—as of the posting of this article—has yet to descend into a hellish dystopia ruled by the iron fist of a Doctor Doomlike strongman. But if Bezos starts calling fellow CEO Larry Ellison to inquire about what it takes to buy an island, we might want to keep the Bat Signal at the ready.

Does this mean Jeff Bezos is a supervillain: No island lair, no supervillainy.

Your CEO talks openly about an army of drones
Sure, Jeff Bezos—those unmanned aerial drones you're so excited about are just going to deliver packages to people. Because the whole point of having the capability to send a fleet of flying robots to people's homes, is so they can get their hands on a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey that much more quickly. Why, it's all perfectly innocent, these flying robots that can go anywhere in the country at your command!

Of course, New Yorkers who found themselves at the mercy of Doctor Octopus's monstrous Octobots probably have a different perspective. After all, when you find yourself at the mercy of giant metallic robots, two-day ground delivery from UPS doesn't sound like that big an inconvenience by comparison.

Does this mean Jeff Bezos is a supervillain: All signs point to yes.

Your CEO has amassed a fleet of boats for cryptic purposes
While Jeff Bezos may want to fill our skies with drones bearing packages—or death from above!—at least he has yet to park a fleet of mysterious boats off the shores of our major cities. The same cannot be said for his chums at Google, who have parked mystery barges in San Francisco Bay and outside Portland, Maine.

Google hasn't exactly been forthcoming about the purpose of these barges, muttering some mumbo-jumbo about their serving as "an interactive space where people can learn about new technology." If the new technology is "how to enslave humanity" and the interactivity involves battling Skrull sleeper agents, it's a lesson we're happy to skip, thanks.

 

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